The Nest

Our nest is far from empty. Many, who are just a little older than I, are going through the empty nest phase. Our experience will be of missing one child at a time as each moves into adulthood.

As I reflect on my oldest doing just that and anticipate for the others, I realize this is a very hard time for everyone. For the child, they are leaving behind not just their parents and siblings, but many friends and also their familiar environment. It is a big change. This quite apart from the fact that the college work and adult world are harder.

For their siblings, there is a whole new orientation of the family. The younger siblings will have a relationship with the oldest only in as much as we (and he) foster it.

From the parents view, there are many feelings. There is undoubtedly pride and admiration for the child. There is quite a feeling of helplessness. I would want to do anything for any of them. But I know that for them to do their best they need me to get out of the way. I am now able to focus on my other kids in a way I have never been able to. (The oldest I think always takes an inordinate amount of our attention as WE are learning on them.) My thoughts and prayers have always been as evenly divided as I can manage. Now, I am able to pray better for Jim, because I cannot bring my thoughts to him so immediately. My prayers for all my kids are more focused as I anticipate their goals and challenges.

Empty nesters always mention that now most of their attention is on each other. This could be good or bad depending on how well they cultivated their relationship prior. For us, we appreciate how short our time with each child is, and also how much longer we have to go. Perhaps we will have less empty nest time, all the more reason to continue to nuture our strong relationship.

I was most surprised by two things as we began this transition. Noone talks about how to maintian and build strong relationships between siblings. People don't talk as much about the first bird out of the nest as they do about the empty nest.