The Nest
Our nest is far from empty. Many, who are just a little older than I, are going through the empty nest phase. Our experience will be of missing one child at a time as each moves into adulthood.
As I reflect on my oldest doing just that and anticipate for the others, I realize this is a very hard time for everyone. For the child, they are leaving behind not just their parents and siblings, but many friends and also their familiar environment. It is a big change. This quite apart from the fact that the college work and adult world are harder.
For their siblings, there is a whole new orientation of the family. The younger siblings will have a relationship with the oldest only in as much as we (and he) foster it.
From the parents view, there are many feelings. There is undoubtedly pride and admiration for the child. There is quite a feeling of helplessness. I would want to do anything for any of them. But I know that for them to do their best they need me to get out of the way. I am now able to focus on my other kids in a way I have never been able to. (The oldest I think always takes an inordinate amount of our attention as WE are learning on them.) My thoughts and prayers have always been as evenly divided as I can manage. Now, I am able to pray better for Jim, because I cannot bring my thoughts to him so immediately. My prayers for all my kids are more focused as I anticipate their goals and challenges.
Empty nesters always mention that now most of their attention is on each other. This could be good or bad depending on how well they cultivated their relationship prior. For us, we appreciate how short our time with each child is, and also how much longer we have to go. Perhaps we will have less empty nest time, all the more reason to continue to nuture our strong relationship.
I was most surprised by two things as we began this transition. Noone talks about how to maintian and build strong relationships between siblings. People don't talk as much about the first bird out of the nest as they do about the empty nest.
posted by Skip James @ 10/31/2005
2 Comments:
Best blog I have seen so far. I don't really blog. I think I should start. I did it for a bit when I was in Africa...but that didn't really go well, so anyhoo. Thanks for the insights. Loved some of the material and actually shared it...(in a private email with a link to your site.)
Hey Dad, you know, to some extent, I've gotten closer to all of my siblings since I've left home. Me and Theresa would never have wanted to visit with each other during one's spring break in the past. And I've grow in appreciation for the youthful innocence of my younger siblings. It's obviously a time of transition, as I've slowly become more independent over the last few years, but I think that my relationship with my siblings has in some ways grown. For one, I appreciate them more now, and how little time I have to spend with them, and at the same time, I think that I begin to understand how much you and mom did for me when I was their age, and still do. I've read this post several times, as I've reflected on what moving forward into my own life means, coming from your family. And it is surely a different, and independent experience. From the time I went to WYD, three years ago to the present, I've been maturing into an adult. Which is pretty scary, actually. Because I know that what I am right now, is what I will be in the future, and I'm not even sure what I am right now. I know I have difficulty expressing myself to you and mom in person, and I know even more that you'll probably never read this. Or read it years after it's relevant to our relationship, but that's always the way that people write; to disclose part of themselves in a hidden way. To make it possible for someone else to know their soul, if they take the chance. I don't think that you will read this; I'm mostly writing it for myself so that I'll remember what I want to say when I talk to you next.
Love,
Jim K.
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